Little Bandit

Baby has this little device called a Snack Trap. It's a cup with a trap door for dry snacks, where you can easily put snacks in and pull them out, but they won't fall out of the cup if it ever gets upended. Within this cup lies the source of Baby's energy: Pepperidge Farm Goldfish.

Legend has it that one day, a tiny thief roamed the land, and the people closest to him called him Little Bandit. Little Bandit's goal between his naps was to fill his round little belly. On one fateful day, Little Bandit saw his quarry in an unattended diaper bag. Knowing his nemesis, the All Seeing Mommy was preoccupied with menial chores, Little Bandit did what he did best, and snuck his chubby fingers into the diaper bag to fish out his own Holy Grail with trap door, swimming with precious Goldfish. When Little Bandit heard the All Seeing Mommy's footsteps growing louder, his instinct told him to stuff his prize back in the bag, as Mommy's untrained skills would not be able to detect such a stealthy deed. But the All Seeing Mommy knows and sees all, which is the only reason that I am able to tell you this story now. And to this day, Mommy has been the only person to ever catch the Little Bandit in the very act that earned him his name.

Be weary of your own Little Bandits, as you can see that training begins at a very early age, so be sure to mind your belongings and snacks around them.

The latest advancements in high speed photography allowed this rare glimpse of the Little Bandit in action.

Know Your Body

Once a baby passes the one year mark, the monthly visits to the pediatrician dwindle down to less frequent visits, to about every 3-6 months. At each of the visits, the doctor always asks us how Baby is doing in terms of milestones, like if he's sitting up by himself, crawling, babbling, or whatever it is babies do when they're supposed to. And we can always say, very proudly, "Of course he does, silly doctor!"

At the 15 month check up, the doctor finally stumped us. The first question was, "Does he speak more than two words?" He can say "ma ma" and "ba ba" (which means "Daddy"), but not really anything else. So two out of three isn't bad, right?And if he doesn't know the difference in meaning between those two words that sound coincidentally similar, does it count? OK, ask us another question, because we're sure he's excelled to a mutant degree in some other area of development... "Can he identify his body parts?" And we confidently replied, "Uh... Silly doctor... um... no." How were we supposed to know that we were supposed to teach him to identify his body parts? We've been teaching him different foods and drinks, toys and books, but not body parts! He's a Baby, not a doctor! He's not pre-med. Nobody told us we needed to teach him body parts now!

As a result, we have now placed him on a strict educational regimen to learn his anatomy. I've documented our progress so far...

Where's your head?

Where's your teeth?

Where's your derrière?

Where's your... pants??

OK, we have a few more months to make some progress...

Water Baby

Swimming was never a strong ability in me, as people would often expect it would be, being that I gre up walking distance from the Coney Island beaches. My mom did enroll me in swim classes at the Y when I was a little boy, but I remember missing the last lesson, which was probably the most important one: how to tread water, i.e. how to survive in a pool of water greater than 5 feet. Ironically, I think I missed the last lesson because we left for a tropical family vacation where I couldn't go in the water because I missed the last lesson.

I know swimming is a very important skill, so I'm determined to make sure my offspring pick this skill up when they're young. Luckily, Auntie's got a big pool, and a whole family of strong swimmers. So while Mommy and Daddy went on a tropical vacation, Baby stayed with pool-equipped family, and Auntie and Uncle were able to introduce Baby to a body of water bigger than his bathtub.

When Baby becomes "Young Child," Daddy (and maybe Mommy) will enroll in Family Swim Classes, so we can all learn to swim at the same time, like those dolphin families I see on those nature shows. At least, that was my intention. After some research I found there seems to be no such thing as "Family Swim Classes;" there are classes for either the child or the parent, but not both. That's probably better off, so my child won't embarrass me when I'm still learning to tread water and he starts taking laps around me. The closest thing I came across was at the New York Y, and although they call it "Parent/Child Swim Classes," it's actually about getting the child comfortable in the water, and at the same time getting the parent comfortable about their child getting comfortable in the water.

I found a couple of interesting sites: InfantSwim.com, and InfantAquatics.com, that both promote "survival swimming," for infants from 6 months of age. I had no idea a baby could swim before they could walk, but check this link out for some pretty amazing pictures and a must-see video at this link. And I thought dolphins were smart.

For now, I'll probably just get some water wings or something similar for Baby, since the closest he's going to get to water is usually his bathtub, or the garden hose.

Gone Away

About a week ago, Mommy and I went on our first vacation since Baby was born. Although we've contemplated about going somewhere with Baby, I opted to arrange this trip without Baby, as Mommy needed a few vacation days after 14 months of hard work at home. We left Baby at Auntie and Uncle's, so I have no crazy Baby traveling stories as I would expect I'd have lots of this time around, and I'll save my stories of lying under palm trees and poolsides in the Caribbean for some other time.

The hardest thing about travelling without the little person you wake up to every morning (asides from Mommy), is trying to not regret that you went travelling without your little person in the first place. Not that we tried to forget, but the resort where we stayed out had so many babies of all ages, and so many child friendly activities, we were always admiring other babies, and thinking how much fun it would have been if Baby came with us. But then again, thinking about getting through the airports and plane rides with an additional baby seat, stroller, bags of supplies, Baby, etc., always appended my first thoughts, so we never regretted anything when we got back. When Baby does get older though, we'll likely go back to the Caribbean so we can all enjoy floating in inner tubes together.

Even this family brought their baby.

By the way, Baby was of course happy to see us when we got back, but all we got was a big smile, and then he promptly turned his back on us because splashing in the pool was definitely more fun than seeing Daddy and Mommy after four days away from us.

"Hey, don't I know you two?!"

One Small Step

Around the one year mark, the biggest milestone for any baby will be when they take their first step. All of the aunts and uncles are always asking, "Is he walking yet?" From a parent's point of view, I believe it's natural to want your child to advance quickly; I'd rather he graduate college in three years rather than four because that will save me a lot of money. Sure it would be nice if he started walking at a year old, but then I always ask myself, "What's the rush?" If I've already baby proofed everything below my knee, walking would just mean more things to be pulled down, or more things for Baby to hit his head into.

Regardless of what anyone hopes for, I've realized progression happens very quickly. Milestones become stepping stones. As soon as Baby started crawling, he was climbing days after that. When he started cruising, he was quickly walking with support.

This past weekend, he started standing on his own.

"Now who's your Daddy?!"

Taking baby steps, we then took Baby for a walk on the Coney Island boardwalk for a test run. (He sat on some gum on the boardwalk during a tumble.)

By dinnertime, he was taking his first steps all by himself, albeit a little wobbly, but taking meter-long walks on his own two feet.

"Do I still need to wear these silly 'sock' things?"

Now Baby has discovered the ultimate form of locomotion, short from getting his driver's license. If we come for a visit, keep your valuables out of reach, since he'll likely grab something off your coffee table, put it in his mouth, and walk away with it now, a.k.a. "eat and run." As parents, we'll have to bring up our endurance levels to keep up with two chubby, rapidly moving legs. But on the bright side, Baby can start bringing Mommy her slippers, and Daddy his beer, if we can get him to walk to us on command.

"I can't wait to do chores for Daddy!*"

* Slightly edited from actual thought

"No" Means... Huh?

With age comes wisdom. When you’re one year old, you have a lot of wisdom to accumulate. Accumulating wisdom to a baby means getting your hands on anything you can reach. With the all that crawling, reaching, and pulling, that inevitably all leads to one necessary thing: discipline.

Discipline is a topic I never thought I'd think about until the day came that I caught my kid stealing money from my wallet.

"If I blend into this couch, maybe Daddy won't see me."

But apparently discipline is something they need to learn much, much earlier on. To keep Baby away from dangerous things, like those pretty bottles under the kitchen sink, or large appliances, requires strict discipline.

Baby is determined to find his missing sock.

If Baby barely understands “da da,” how do you teach a baby “don’t do that or I’ll have to call poison control?” The experts suggest a firm “no” and then physically move him away from the area of offense. The two things I’m observing so far by doing this:

• Pulling Baby away from danger, whether I pick him up or drag him by his legs, both result in fun rides for him, so he may be purposely doing the wrong things just so I drag him away.
• When I relocate Baby, he’s immediately distracted by something else, so when I think he is being disciplined, in reality he probably just forgot, until he does it again the next day

"I'm not supposed to wha- wow, this can is hilarious!"

The professionals say that instead of constantly telling your baby "no," put him in an area where he can't get in trouble, also known as a "yes" area. If you're constantly saying "no" to your child, they will also eventually become desensitized to it, and that all-important word will lose all its meaning.

Baby in his "Maybe" area.

Things to say "no" to:

• Stuffing one's face:

"Harumph mooma!"

• Taking off one's pants and socks and throwing them on the floor when everyone thinks you're sleeping:
  

"I feel so freeeeeee!"

One Year Today

What's today, Baby? You're one year old today!

365 days ago, you came into our lives and we haven't been able to sleep past 7 AM since. Every day was new experience for both you and us, and hopefully you've learned as much from us as we have from you. If there was a happier time in our lives than the day you were born, it would have been the day you first smiled, rolled over, or crawled. And even though Daddy can barely remember when I could lift you without straining a major muscle group, I'm holding onto all our memories from this past year as tightly as I can.

Do you remember when your Goo Ma (that's baby for "Auntie") threw you your first Birthday party? (Thanks, Goo Ma!) All your favorite family was there, and Goo Ma made you a special cake from scratch, with little mice made out of sugar:

...and that was the first cake you ever ate?

And while you were there, you started to climb and conquered your first set of stairs!

Remember how Daddy bought a fancy camera and flash just for taking pictures of you, and you didn't smile once?

This past weekend seemed so long ago, but then again, it seems like you were born not that long ago. But now instead of being a fat little baby swaddled in a blanket, you're getting to be a fat crawling boy in clothes that always seem to fit too tightly. I should probably stop calling you "Baby," but referring to you as "Toddler" just doesn't have as nice of a ring to it. So Happy Birthday, Baby! We love you! Until you learn to talk back, at least.