Tis Better To Give

Merry belated Christmas, loyal readers! Another holiday come and gone. Being that this was our last Christmas before the baby, I was looking forward to getting some presents for myself for one last year. Which leads to some advice for expectant parents before Christmas: don't tell anyone you're expecting. Doing so results in presents with your name on them that should really say "To: Your Name('s Baby)." Knowing this will lesson the shock if your inaccurately labeled gift contains onesies that are nowhere near your actual size.

One essential piece of reading wifey received was the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. Probably one of the most important to-do's mom-to-be (and moms that are) will need to do is to learn about sleep, both for baby's growth and mom and dad's sanity, and this book will suggest the best ways to accomplish this so every party gets the rest they need. Other gifts for moms-to-be for any occasion could include body pillows, massaging pillows, and back supports, as her body is increasing in weight and size, in many different directions. (You of course, should never point this out to her.)

I hope your holiday was happy, your festivities festive, and you got all the presents you wished for. Get some rest before the new year, because I predict this will be a big year for many. (Meaning you will likely have to babysit.)

Baby Kickback

At night, wifey's been having me place her hand on her growing belly to feel the baby squirm and move. I can barely feel something move, similar to if you put your hand on my belly after a sushi buffet: you can feel something, but it's probably not a baby. Earlier this week, when she felt the baby wide awake, I put my hand on her belly and there it was: the baby kicked or punched or headbutted my hand. When I finally felt the unmistakable presence of a little guy in there, I was as proud as any dad who's kid was already out of the womb.

Sometimes the baby squirms around a lot and keeps wifey from sleeping. A friend of mine who just gave birth to her son this past Thursday (Congrats S & H!), told me that sometimes the baby will stretch from his fetal position, and she'll feel the pushing in an area of her body that isn't in the tummy. Ouch.

Next time we see any of you, maybe the baby will be awake and jumping. If wifey offers you to feel a kick, I'll gladly let you put your hand on my belly too to compare.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Wifey has begun listening to classical music for the baby, which led me to wonder what the baby actually hears. I told her that with the baby sitting in a balloon of water in her tummy, he probably won't be able to hear much, unless she lied face down on top of a speaker. Then I read about Month 5 in my baby book, which proved me entirely wrong. (It's worse enough when wifey says I'm wrong, but it's worse when it's in writing.)

The next few paragraphs will be taken directly from The Expectant Father:

'In one study...newborns whose mothers had watched a particular soap opera while they were pregnant stopped crying when they heard the show's theme song. Babies who hadn't been exposed to the show had no reaction when they heard the music.

'Nine out of ten newborns selected a story recorded by their own mother over the same story recorded by another woman.'

As a father, 'if you whisper in one of your baby's ears and an unknown man whispers in the other, the baby, who "recognizes" you,will turn toward you 80 percent of the time.'

And the most fascinating piece, from Canadian orchestra conductor Boris Brott:

'As a young man, I was mystified by this ability I had to play certain pieces sight unseen. I'd be conducting a score for the first time and, suddenly, the cello line would jump out at me: I'd know the flow of the piece before I turned the page of the score. One day, I mentioned this to my mother, who is a professional celloist... All the scores I knew sight unseen were ones she had played when she was pregnant with me.'

So all this stuff about prenatal learning is actually true. So next time you see us, or any other pregnant person, be careful what you say - baby's listening!

It's a...

At 20 weeks old, the baby has developed full facial features, hands, fingers, fingernails... And genitalia. I was watching the sonogram at our latest appointment, looking for a hint at any sign of a girl or boy. I saw a spine, limbs, and a beating heart. The sonogram image is always moving, so it's hard to tell what you're looking at because as soon as you can imagine what a yet-to-be-born baby butt cheek would look like, you're all of a sudden looking at some other body part. Five minutes into it, the technician asks us if we were going to find out what it was, and we simultaneously say "yes." That's like asking me if I want to eat that last donut. She says calmly, as I'm sure she's said it a dozen times already that day: "You're having a boy." At that moment, it's almost like finding out you're having a baby all over again. Thoughts of fathering a baby boy rush into your head, and you again want to immediately tell everyone you know.

In other news, baby and mom are healthy so far, and he weighs 13 ounces right now. One of the books we're reading says he should be around 9 ounces right now, so he's a bit above average. (Babycenter.com emails say he's the size of a banana.) I also realized that it's the halfway point and he's under a pound; over the next 4 1/2 months, he'll be ballooning up to least five or six more pounds on average before birth. This will begin the point of an entire closet full of big belly clothes. (For wifey only, and hopefully not me.)

Girl or Boy

On Tuesday, December 4th, we'll find out if we're going to have a girl or a boy. Sometimes I'm asked, "Don't you want to be surprised?" Surprises are nice, but I know that our baby will be either a girl or a boy, so it won't be that much of a surprise (like when compared to finding out wifey was pregnant in the first place). Anyway, I think the shock of witnessing a human being eject a much smaller human being from their loins will be surprise enough for me. Then people say, "It's a good thing to find out so you'll be prepared." You'll know when you're on the receiving end though, that deciding what color one piece booty pajamas you should buy is probably not going to be a priority.

Family's thinking it'll be a boy, co-workers think it'll be a girl. (My friends just aren't giving their opinion.) I've got more girls on my side of the family, and wifey's got more boys. Any bets placed, the odds are pretty much 50/50.

And for the record, I have no preference. Diapers cost the same either way; I just have to know whether the absorbent pad goes in the front or the middle. And they'll still learn how to hold an Xbox controller (which comes in both pink and blue). Stay tuned...

Make Room at the Table

As the holidays approach, I'm being reminded that this will be the last year that we will have sans baby. Definitely not a bad thing, but it puts the reality of the whole fatherhood thing into a sharper perspective. Next year, we'll be visiting family with a diaper bag over the shoulder, car seat locked down in the back, and baby in tow. We're used to just bringing over some Italian cookies.

So for this Thanksgiving, we'll just have a bun in the oven. By this time next year, we'll need an extra table setting with baby-safe flatware, and a high chair. (And maybe some extra wine on the table for daddy.) Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Baby Food

One of my favorite resources for soon-to-be baby information is BabyCenter.com. Since signing up, they shoot over a weekly baby progress report every Sunday, letting us know what stage of development the little tyke is at. They always compare the size of the kid to something edible, which probably helps the male parent better relate.

• Week 5: sesame seed
• Week 6: lentil bean
• Week 7: raspberry
• Week 8: kidney bean
• Week 9: grape
• Week 10: kumquat
• Week 11: fig
• Week 12: lime
• Week 13: deep fried, beer battered jumbo shrimp (slightly exaggerating)
• Week 14: lemon
• Week 16: avocado
• Week 17: turnip

If you're seeking an informative and eye-opening source of weekly info, take a look at BabyCenter.com.

I'm looking forward to when I get the email telling me my kid is the size of a foot long meatball parmigiana hero. I'm sure wifey would prefer it to not be too close to a watermelon.

Half the Man I Used To Be

Here's a new vocabulary word: couvade. "90 percent of expectant American fathers experience couvade syndrome (from the French word meaning 'to hatch'), or 'sympathetic pregnancy.'"¹ Symptoms usually appear after the first trimester (which is about that time for me now...), and include common pregnancy ailments, such as food cravings, mood swings, and nausea. (If pregnancy is not involved, I call these symptoms "hangovers.")

Just last week, I was in the mood for dessert after dinner (who isn't?), was very happy when I got it (who wouldn't be?), and ended the night with nausea and a bad stomach ache a couple of hours later from dessert. Couvade or just a bad Napoleon?

Whether I end up experiencing couvade or not, if you can imagine a hangover without drinking, and nausea without over eating, then that is what I imagine being pregnant to be. (And that's only during the first half of the pregnancy.) That's certainly enough for my sympathy.

¹ Taken from The Expectant Father, by A. A. Brott and J. Ash

Mum's The Word

So what took so long to share the news? Tradition (I don't know whose) dictates that the expectant couple remain mum (no pun intended) about a bun in the oven for the first three months due to risk of complications. As the dad-to-be, that's a harrowing three months - part optimistic disbelief to think that you'll be a dad, and part pessimistic doubt, thinking something will likely go wrong. 80% of miscarriages happen within the first 12 weeks, so once you get past that point and the baby-to-be has a strong, detectable heartbeat, you're in pretty good shape. So even though I wanted to tell the world about this months ago, I can finally say it now with more pride than hesitation: I got me a baby comin'!

Preggeration: Confirmed

Three and a half months later, I can finally share with new and old readers... Wifey is preggers. Yes, it was planned (which I'm asked half the time), and yes, I am excited (which I'm asked the other half of the time).

It was a bit of a shock when the pregnancy test actually turned out positive, that day on August 19th. Especially due to the fact that the expiration date on the box was August 31st. The second test kit we bought (expiration date was in 2008) also resulted in a positive. Even then I was in denial because I went cheap and bought the Duane Reade brand pregnancy test.

From what I've read, denial wasn't a common symptom of discovering you were going to have a baby. (But fear was.) And the only reason I was in denial, or maybe "disbelief" would be a more accurate description, was that I just had a hard time grasping that something this big was finally happening. The perfect example of something too good to be true.

Regarding the test though, we've been told that you can have a false negative, but you can't have a false positive. I guess that rule would even apply to expired, no-frills generic pregnancy tests. So whether it's a plus sign or two lines versus one, if the test says you're pregnant, they're probably as advertised: over 99% accurate.